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Natures Cock & Balls

I know this has nothing to do with dressing room walls but I do love it so. It is a photo of some creatures dropping that resembles a pair of testes. An eagle-eyed, hirsute spotter sent me the picture and I photoshopped on a big black cock for my own amusement.
Enjoy!

Mixing console

I turned up to a rehearsal studio in London to discover that some crass individual had pressed the auxiliary send switches in such a fashion as to create a pattern akin to a spurting cock & balls. How could they!

Taking one in the chops

I spotted this crude yet delightful "add on" cock in a side street somewhere in Belgium. As I prepared to take a shot this resplendent urban owl swooped down to try to eat the crudely drawn cock & balls. I think he may have thought it was a vole or shrew or some other kind of woodland mammal. Just look at his beautiful plumage.

Big Bag Lil Wang

This beaut could easily have been taken from the pages of a medical journal detailing disproportional genital malformations. I feel it may not be coincidence that it was found on the wall of the trabendo club in Paris. I've heard that french mens wangs are tres lil.

Cock man with Cock

This is a new form that seems to be evolving world wide.
It the convoluted personification of a penis. These penises often have penises themselves and sometimes the penises penis has a penis.

This marvelous example is an adapted toilet paper dispenser in the grotty crapper of a club in Miami. The subject is pointing with his right hand to his bottom half which is a large penis instead of legs. Two main points need to be noted about this- firstly: A human with a fish tail instead of legs is a mermaid or merman but what is the name of human with a cock for lower limbs? Any ideas would be very welcome. Secondly: Does he really have to point out the huge meat pipe he has growing down from his pelvis.

The addition of the disembodied cluster in his left hand is just salty icing on this fabulous cake.

No Balls (so far)

Look at this poor little fella. He knows his fate!

like it or not a deliciously large set of cock and balls will appear on his little chickeny under-carriage. He has been on the wall of Numos in Seattle for a while now, sans balls, but we all know it's only a matter of time. Poor little chap.

The New Wembly Tower

This beauty was spotted recently at in the toilets during the construction of the new Wembly Stadium. Not even finished and already decorated with some of the worlds finest art work.

My man on the inside has evidence that points to the artist being of eastern European extraction; if that's the case I'm relocating eastwards just for the eye candy.

What Has He Been Eating

This is a different form of art to the pictorial masterpieces usually featured here at dressingroomwalls. It is poetry; the eloquent domain of Keats and Kipling. If this poet had been in Britain (and not San Fransisco- where I found it) surely the Queen herself, after relieving herself in the bathroom where it adorns the door, would have instantly scooped him up for her new poet laureate.



If it is difficult to read directly from the photograph I shall transcribe:

Here I shit,
Broken hearted,
tried to shit,
and only
shitted out
blood and worms.

Just out of camera shot the poem was accredited to Ed Sullivan. Excellent work Ed.

Are Those Mine?

I discovered this slice of genius when I looked down as I sat on the scabby old sofa in the dressing hovel at the Beta Bar in Tallahassee, Florida.

Image my surprise when sitting on a flea ridden ming bag old settee just before a gig when I look down to discover my cock and balls hanging out of a large hole in my kecks. But no. upon closer examination I discover some talented trickster has drawn a cock and balls on the sofa just where ones own meat and two veg would be if they were to pop out. phew! there were "ladies" present, relief. I then discovered that beneath my bottom they had drawn, as the label described, a rusty sheriffs badge just where my nipsy would be. This is the first anatomically correct dressing room masterpiece I have ever seen. The label "your rusty sheriffs badge here" was a positioning marker so as you would achieve the best vantage point to view the cock and balls. Pure triple distilled genius.

Shave What?

I found this, quite large (about 3" wide), sign in the most precarious of spots in the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York during the filming of the Late Show with David Letterman.

I am still unaware of what the artist wants me to shave. Or maybe the the sign was placed there for a specific person. If so what is that person meant to shave? Why such force (capital letters and an exclamation mark)? This is one of the simplest but one of the most enigmatic pieces of artwork I have ever seen. If anyone knows who needs to shave what and why please let me know, it's making me lose sleep.

Dogs D'Amour

This is fresh in from one of my European Correspondents. Found at the Sporthalle arena in Hamburg, Germany.

This is lovely. So simple. Scott loves dogs but now every visitor to the sporthalle now knows just how much. I can only guess to the reasoning behind the awful spelling of Bums. I am no linguist but perhaps it is german grammar badly translated or the artist was rushing the piece as Scott was on his way back from making love to a local junge Hund. Either way it's simplicity is devine.

All Clowns Are Not Evil

I must apologize to any dressing room walls purists out there as this was not found on a wall but this is one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. [and it was at a gig]

I spotted this balloon animal making clown at the TRL studios in New York. I spotted the half finished balloon animal (that is if the clown wasn't trying to make a balloon cock and balls) and by the time a camera phone was produced to snap the unwittingly rude clown the "rubberised animal" had moved into the optimum position. I cried and nearly wee'd my pants.

A little excessive

Cor Blimey!

This little horror was spotted by my Canada correspondent in Onterio recently.

Lets hope that in the future adjusting public signs doesn't make it legal. I once chained my bike to a railing and had this sharpie artiste passed by earlier without my knowledge I may have had my cock lacerated.

Ohh!

Look at this, Mag-flippin-nificent.

I found this inside a toilet cubical at a motorway service station on the M5. It looks very much like a toilet dwelling Casper (the friendly ghost) looking shocked , probably at the state of the toilet pan after a large truck driver has visited with the skitter after a dodgy lamb madras.

Basic But Quaint

This is the first of our TransAtlantic art works.

This was chronicalled by one of my Canadian scouts. Such simplicity, such efficiency, such beauty. Obviously a very serious fire safety sign but we can all enjoy a fine piece of art as we flee a burning inferno. You could also image eating a giant glazed rack of ribs or 28 oZ burger outside after you've put yourself out by stop, dropping and rolling on the grass.

Badly Made Bog

This little "alteration" has been around a while. I've often gazed at this while taking a wizz in the gents toilet at Terminal studios, South London.

It originally was a sticky label that said Proudly made in the UK but due to to wear and tear on the label the opertunity for a passing artiste to change the proudly to Badly was presented.

Beautiful!

Tit are Ace

They truly are!!

This is one of the oldest in the collection. It is one of the lost Master pieces from the mythical Gallery of the Nottingham Rock City backstage toilet. Like the libraries of ancient Rome being burnt by the marauding Visigoths countless unreplacable treasures were lost when backstage Rock City was painted over by marauding decorators. This is a rare piece I saved from there savagery. Although many apprentices have since begun the restoration of these hallowed walls. Here's to the future and let's all cheer- "Tits are Ace"!!!

Man wanking into an angry dogs mouth

This is my favourite art work of all time. I've seen Rubens in Vienna, Rothco in London and Dali in New York. But this Artist in Stoke SugarMill is the finest I've ever seen. Some people love the splender of the great masters, some the free expression of the cubists and some the absurdity of the Dadaists. But I love the Dressing Room Masters. Why is the man so angry? why is he wanking into an angry dogs mouth? The answer: Who cares it's a triumph!

Now wash my what?

This one was not strictly found on the wall of a gig but it was found on the wall above a urinal at a service station I stopped at on the way to a gig- so I think it counts.

It is very faint because of the lighting in the toilet but some scribbleSmith has scibbled out the word hands and added the word cock make the signage read "Now Wash Your Cock".

Oh, Angry!

This is one of the overly gay comments found on the wall of the Stoke Sugarmill store room gallery.

It is a very angry way to request some same sex love.

Your mum's a Knob

This was a subtle little comment found on the very unusable dressing room mirror at the Manchester Academy 3. Rendered totally unusable as a looking mirror by being covered by band stickers, but the frame was an excellent canvas.

I enjoy very good use of punctuation but dislike the abysmal spelling.

Labias are funny

The artist of this mammoth (about 3ft by 3ft) very kindly gives the viewer a diagram of some labia so that they may see for themself how funny they really are.

I particularly like the fancy font.

This huge art work I found hidden at the top of the stairs back stage at the Stoke Sugar Mill. Not many people get this far as it is beyond the old dressing room (now a storage room) as it is covered floor to ceiling. It is a pure joy to gaze endlessly at over 10 years of drawings and comments, although it has a very high percentage of cocks and gay based art and comments.

The venue staff ensured me that, although there was plans to do so, the walls will remain as they are, as it would be a crime to paint over such a quantity of art.

The Classic

This is a classic school boy cock- Ball Cock Ball, Nob Line, japs eye Line, three hairs on each ball and three squirts. Simple.

Without a doubt we will be seing quite a bit more of this perrenial favourite.

This one was found on the shutter of the goods lift at the Manchester Academy 3. It's always a real treat to find one of these, they never fail to please.

Cat in a Shat Hat

This is quite simply a crude drawing of a man pooing on a kittens head.

This was found in the small dressing room toilet in Stoke Sugar Mill. The gig gallery up there with The Tate or Saatchi Gallery.

The cat doesn't like whats happening to it but looks big enough to make it stop.

I Love Crack

And lets face it who doesn't!

This little gem has been around a while, hanging round on the inside of the goods lift at the Manchester Academy 3.

You can see to the right of the word "crack" part of an addition made by a later artist. Some-one has made it read "I love Crack Sniffing" along with a crude drawing of a man bending over with his bottom exposed, for sniffing purposes presumably. Further additions are very common in Gig Art, most commonly the addition of the words- "are shite" or "Is Gay" after a band or persons name.

In hind sight I should of pictured the full reworking but I enjoyed the original the most.

Raison D'Etre

I have been collecting these wonderful images for a while now. I thought no more of it until I discovered one of my favourite venue "Galleries" (Nottingham rock city backstage toilet to be precise) covered in a fresh coat of paint- scumBags! I thought. They had covered some of my favourite Dressing Room Wall artworks which were now lost forever. It was at this point I became adament that I would catalogue all the dressing room wonders I came across. Now with mobile phone cameras this has become very easy. Once I have pictured the highlights of a dressing room, toilet or hallway I now see fresh paint as a fresh canvas and look forward to revisiting to see what geniuses have been.

Please enjoy the irreverance in dressing Room Walls